Psycho Fan Mail **This story is based on real life events. All last names have been changed to 'Hildo' to protect the identities of the dim-witted** I received an interesting piece of “fan mail” this weekend, and in gratitude I decided that Ms. Sara Hildo deserved a bit of recognition herself. That’s right, I will step out of the limelight for a moment – enough about my life – to honor this devoted fan. Never have I met this fine young lady, but hopefully our paths will cross in the very near future. Sara Hildo writes:  “Hi, my name is Sara Hildo. I'd like to respond to your letter to CVS, which, by the way, is directed at the wrong people. First off, CVS is not in charge of how many gummy bears are in your bag. Secondly, 66 is the AVERAGE number in a bag. Take statistics and then consider writing another letter to the proper people.”  I think it is important to point out - just for the record - that Ms. Hildo chose a default type setting that is of the purple variety. Anyhow, I read this not knowing who this person is or whether I might be in danger of a potential crazed stalker. (I know how these raging fans can get.) But I put my petty worries aside, and mulled it over some more. Upon closer inspection, I decided that Sara’s eloquently worded and highly intellectual letter would be too much for most of you to wrap your minds around, so I took the liberty of translating it into lay terms. Here you go: Hi, my name is Snotty McRudepants. I didn’t grasp the subtle humor of your letter to CVS, so I wish to complain about it. I missed the point entirely, so I am taking out my aggression on you. I am angry because your column does not appeal to my mainstream, low-brow tastes. Also, I thought Maid in Manhattan was a really great movie. Anyway, I had the pleasure of contacting Sara Hildo today and she set a couple things straight. She had this to say about my strong following of devoted fans: “There are a lot of stupid people out there so it doesn't surprise me that you have a 'following'.”  For complete transcript, click here So, if any of you have a problem with Sara’s thoughtless generalization about my faithful readers or her overtly sarcastic use of quotation marks, you are not alone. But I warn you; there’s no use in trying to contact her. She hasn’t the time to deal with the likes of us. As she said, “I'm sure most people don't want to waste their time trying to reason with you, just as I don't. I have a paper to write.” Good luck on that paper, Sara Hildo, though I’m sure you don’t need it. I’ve read your work.